CHAPTER ONE!!!

Really cheap champagne and rat poop, neither known for smelling nice, have very distinct scents that combine to form an even more distinct and quite unpleasant one. It was this uniquely unpleasant smell that crept into my nose and forced away a very nice dream about gerbil ballerinas. I lay there trying desperately to fall back to sleep before the big finale when I noticed my bed felt particularly lumpy, and wet, and icky and that the smell that had roused me was by far one of the gentler ones swirling in the immediate vicinity. I was trying to remember how long it had been since I washed my sheets when something bit me on the toe. I let out a girlish yelp, jumped to my feet, slammed my head into something, fell down, got up again, slipped on something gooey, spun around, fell four feet to the ground and was met with a sudden cavalcade of drunken cheers and clumsy applause. It was then I realized that I had just woken up in a dumpster.